Janeway's Dead; Cavit's In Charge

by Judy; jlf@door.net

Summary: An AU in which Janeway died when the array went down. And Cavit lived through the trip to the Delta Quadrant to become Voyager's Captain. What was life like on Voyager for Tom Paris with Cavit in charge?

Disclaimer: They're Paramount's, damn it. Story's mine. Copyright, 1999. Public or private feedback is welcome. Email at jlf@door.net Big thanks to Britta! Also thanks to Briony, John, BK, as well as others who gave encouragement. This is revised from an earlier version. Other stories are on my website:http://www.door.net/jlf

Warning: Rated R. Dark, nasty, violent, nonconsensual sex (i.e., rape), as well as romance between two guys. There's adult language and situations, angst. If this description means you could get squicked out by the story, you may not want to read it. Apart from Janeway, the characters who died, also died in canon, this time they go out on a different timetable.

Archive/Post: ASC/ASCEM, BLTS, PKSP, PacKage, Allslash (Belynda's), R'rains.

Others, please ask first.

5/5/99 - 5/29/99; Revised 6/10/99

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Janeway's Dead; Cavit's In Charge

By Judy

To my surprise it was Harry Kim who entered the Captain's quarters. "Sh-h," he warned me.

Yeah, like I was going to say a word. If I'd learned anything in the past six months it was to keep my mouth shut. Of course, if someone smacked it, then a cry of pain might be in order. I knew my place, all right.

"I'm getting you out of here," Kim whispered.

Now that was even more of a surprise. How often had he and I interacted since Cavit became captain of Voyager? Four times? Five maybe? Cavit had overseen my social life, such as it was, and Harry Kim had not been a part of it. So, I lay on my mat and just stared stupidly at him.

"Sit up," he hissed. He shoved a bundle at my hands. Of course, my wrists were bound together with a 30 centimeter leather-enclosed chain that locked on to the padded cuffs that masqueraded as the latest fashion in bracelets. And it wasn't me who had the key to the lock to this lovely jewelry. Harry didn't seem to give my situation a second glance. "Here. You can put some clothes on."

What? He didn't like my *working* clothes, or lack thereof? Cavit had me dressed as often as possible in as little as possible. In fact, no clothes at all was more what the good captain liked. Of course, there was the *jewelry* adorning my body. In addition to the wrist cuffs, I wore his collar, his chain from one pierced nipple to the other, his tattoo on my ass, and other signs of Cavit's endearment. Should I go on?

As I held up my manacled wrists toward Harry, the clothes he'd placed on my arms fell off onto the mat and floor. To my astonishment, and trust me, after six months of Cavit almost nothing shocked me, Harry produced a key to the hated bindings. When he freed my wrists, I closed my eyes and rubbed my hands around my wrists. It felt so good.

I felt him unlock the cuff on my ankle that tethered me by another leather-covered chain to the bed leg. The tether was just long enough to allow me to use the bathroom and to reach the replicator so I could obey the orders Cavit would leave for me each day. I can describe those orders some other time. Lots of fun. More so when he brought friends. Enough of that.

I thought I heard a noise and quickly tried to put the cuffs back on. Suppose Cavit came in and found me freed? I shivered at the pain I knew would come from defying him like that. But Harry batted the cuffs away and ordered, "Get dressed. Now."

I knew the voice of command when I heard it. I put on the trousers and shirt, an outfit very much like what Harry and all the crew wore these days. They hung on me rather loosely. Harry must have sized them from my measurements when I came aboard six months ago. The intervening time hadn't seen Cavit waste much of his replicator rations on me.

"Tom. I want you to do exactly what I say. Do you understand?"

I spoke for the first time. Forgive me if there was bitterness in my voice. "Sure. I'm real good at obeying orders."

Harry's eyes narrowed at my tone but he didn't comment on it. He hit his comm badge and held my arm. "Ready for beam out."

I heard Tuvok. At least I think it was him. "Energizing."

We rematerialized in a shuttle on the shuttle bay. It was the one and only shuttle bay where Cavit had sequestered the Maquis until he deported them to the Ocampan homeworld as soon as he could make the arrangements. Took about a week in all, not that Cavit confided such an important tidbit of information to me at the time.

About a month after taking over, Cavit finally bragged to me how the Maquis were introduced to the Ocampans. While Tuvok remained on the bridge, down on the planet below, Jonas and Seska were executed in front of Chakotay and the other Maquis as well as the peaceful leaders of the underworld society. Apparently they'd been attempting to contact the Kazon.

Cavit told the Maquis he was leaving all of them behind. He told the Ocampans that if they didn't accept the Maquis, he'd come back and *take care of* the natives. Didn't take a genius to figure out that the Maquis had a new home.

Telling me he got rid of the Maquis did create one problem. Whenever Cavit had really wanted some fun he threatened to throw me into the shuttle bay. Once he at last told me that the Maquis were gone, Cavit had to create new ways to control me. Trust me, he warmed to the task.

All right, enough of these fond memories of the shuttle bay. We, Harry Kim and I, were in a shuttle. Harry had prodded me over to the pilot's seat. The shuttle bay doors opened and I heard Tuvok's voice over the comm link say, "I wish you and Mr. Paris well. Live long and prosper."

Harry thanked him and nudged me to put the ship into position to nose out of there. I didn't need a second nudge.

As we cleared the doors, Harry told me to hit warp 8 and gave me the heading. Once I realized where we were going, I just stared at him.

"Hit it, Paris. Show me you're the hot-shot pilot you've bragged about."

Harry was in charge. I hit it. Shields at max, off we went at warp 8. No doubt about it, we were returning to the planet with the Maquis. Out of the frying pan, into the fire. If what Cavit had done to me for six months was bad enough, I knew what the Maquis had in wait for me would be even worse.

On Voyager, Tuvok had used his position as security chief to watch over Cavit to make sure I wasn't killed. He couldn't stop the rapes and torture, hell, he was just one Vulcan. But Cavit had to put on some kind of civilized veneer for Tuvok. After all, you never knew when Voyager might hit the Alpha Quadrant.

But the Maquis? Chakotay would probably lead the draw-and-quarter Paris team himself. As I thought these bleak thoughts, Harry said, "Don't worry. You'll be safe."

I just shook my head. There was no point contradicting him. Harry was no longer the naive ensign I'd found on DS-9, but I didn't think he had a clue about what had happened to me in that shuttle bay visit.

Our shuttle was hailed by Voyager. On screen, we saw Cavit standing on Voyager's bridge looking very ordinary. With his grey hair and dark eyes, his average height, nondescript features, I'm sure Harry saw a man in command of a Federation starship. I saw a monster. Cavit's familiar growl told us, "You have one minute to turn around and return to the ship."

His *or else* was implied and didn't need to be spoken. I looked over at Harry occupying the co-pilot's seat. Harry's jaw was set, a muscle throbbed just below his ear. He didn't answer Cavit, instead he told me, "Go to warp 9. Keep it there as long as you can."

Maybe Cavit would blow us up. I hated for a guy like Harry to get killed over me. But I hated the thought of going back there even more. Self-interest, Paris. Keep it up. But I figured that I'd better say something. "Uh, Harry, I don't mind getting blown up out here. In fact, I'd rather not go back. But . . . "

"Shut up, Paris. Just fly."

So, I flew. Right into a suspicious-seeming phenomenon dead ahead. It looked a hell of a lot like a small wormhole. When I looked at Harry again, he nodded. "Yeah. When we come out the other end, we'll be about eight days away from Ocampa."

Sounded all right to me. I'd just worry about the Maquis later. As the wormhole came into clear view, it was obvious that Voyager would never be able to get through it. The fucking wormhole was too small for a ship its size. It's possible I smiled my first smile in six months when I realized that we were actually going to get away from Cavit.

I shouldn't have smiled so soon. Our one minute must have been up. A photon torpedo exploded just aft of us and the small shuttle rocked and bucked. The explosion almost collapsed our warp field. Shit.

I did the hot-shot piloting Harry demanded of me. It all came back to me even though it'd been years since I'd done any consistent flying. Phaser fire began to deplete our shields. But we were damn close to the opening of the wormhole.

I put the shuttle into a dive right down its throat. Behind us, Voyager had to veer off. I wondered if Cavit wouldn't send a bunch of shuttles after us. "Uh, Harry, even if Voyager's too big, Cavit can . . . "

"Send shuttles? Not this time. I disabled them."

I smiled for the second time and my eyebrow asked how he did it.

"Don't ask."

I put my attention back to piloting us through the wormhole. I didn't tell Harry that it was my first time. Might have made him nervous or something.

Within a few minutes we came out the other side. Seeing this new expanse of stars and space . . . well, no one needs to know about the tears in my eyes. Harry gave me the new headings and I plugged them in. Now, I had eight days to figure out how to leave Harry with the Maquis and make my getaway to . . . somewhere.

With a break in the excitement, I reached under my shirt and removed the nipple rings, first one and then the other. I balled up the rings and their chain in my fist. I wanted to smash them into something. I held up my fist to my face and swallowed hard as I glared at the hated adornments.

Well, there was another ring I planned to get rid of, too. But not in front of Harry. "Take over?"

"Sure," he said. I think he knew what I was going to do next. "Take your time."

In the back of the shuttle, I dropped my pants and unhooked a few other body piercings. With a cry, I flung them and the nipple rings into the recycler. Then I undid the collar and sent it in after the other symbols of Cavit's possession of me. Before all the angry emotions overwhelmed me, I managed to pull up my pants. Then, I just collapsed to the floor of the shuttle and began to cry.

These were more like great hiccuping wails from deep inside. My whole body shook and I pounded the deck with my fist until I felt something break. But the pain remained anesthetized by the rage that came vomiting out of me. Gods, gods, GODS!

If I knew nothing else, I knew I couldn't go through that again. I'd kill myself before I let one of the Maquis touch me the way Cavit had abused me for six whole fucking months.

When I had exhausted myself, Harry must have set the shuttle on auto-pilot. He worked his way back to where I lay. He didn't try to touch me. Smart man, I guess he knew I couldn't handle being touched just then. Instead, resting his arms on his thighs, he squatted down beside me. "I'm sorry, Tom. I'm sorry we couldn't help you sooner."

How many times had I wondered where my one friend was? Although I had known in my head that I had at least one friend among ninety or so Starfleet crew under Cavit's rule, my isolation nearly undid me. In all that dark time, I couldn't help but long for kindness, a sign that someone saw me as a human being and not an object to be used. When it didn't happen, I sought a safe place inside myself. But since when had visiting the stuff inside my head been a refuge.

In the early months, I had replayed in my mind the way Harry had told Cavit and the doctor that no one chose his friends for him. But that conversation was before we were hurled into the Delta Quadrant. Before Janeway was killed blowing up the array. Before Chakotay and the Maquis were exiled. Before Cavit turned me into . . . whatever the hell I'd become. His possession. He told me I was his whore, that the whole crew knew me as the whore of the Delta Quadrant. But the crew didn't see how I lived, chained, beaten, sexually assaulted . . . I really wasn't his whore, was I?

Then there were the times that I just figured, what the hell, you're Tom fucking Paris. What do you expect? My father had been right. I wasn't good for much of anything. I fucked up the simplest things in my life.

Harry still waited beside me. First order of business was to say, "Thanks, Harry. I owe you."

"Yep," he agreed.

"You're screwed with Starfleet, you know."

"Wasn't in it that long," he shrugged.

"And your family . . . back on earth?" I sat up and he sat all the way down so we both faced each other, knees almost touching.

"We weren't going to get home, Tom, not with Cavit in charge. Maybe if Captain Janeway . . . ."

We both were silent. A lot of what ifs went through my mind as they must have through Harry's. I felt the tears return to my eyes and I angrily wiped at them. No point to those kinds of thoughts. She'd died. End of story.

"Now what?" I asked.

"Your hand? Maybe a little regeneration is in order?"

I winced as the pain began to break through now that the rage was tamped down for safekeeping. Harry got up and returned with both an osteo-regenerator and a dermal one. Based on the way he was holding them, I asked, "You know how to use those things?"

"Not really," Harry shrugged.

"Here." I took the osteo-regenerator from him and pointed it at the injured hand. Setting the controls, I began the process of knitting the bones back together.

"Where'd you learn how to do that?"

"Starfleet Academy," I muttered. I flexed the hand to test it. A little tingling, but otherwise it seemed all right. I couldn't pound the floor again with it for awhile, but, what the hell, I had another hand. I ran the dermal regenerator over the holes in my body.

"You want to clean up? Then, I guess we can eat something and take turns sleeping until we reach Ocampa."

I sighed. The Ocampan world was also the Maquis world. I knew Chakotay would simply take over control of my ass the same way Cavit had done. Unless the Maquis captain killed me first. As much as I'd tried to get Cavit to just kill me, he'd never allowed himself to do that. Guess he had too much fun with me to let me off with so easy a way out as death. And, after all, Tuvok would never have allowed my killing.

"Tom." Harry's soft voice called me out of my funk. "No one's going to hurt you there."

"Do you know what happened to me when Cavit put me in the shuttle bay with them?"

Harry dropped his gaze. In a somber tone, he told me, "Yes. I heard about it."

"When I was with Cavit or his *friends* there was some kind of code that I wasn't to be hurt beyond the holodoctor's ability to fix me up. But the Maquis . . . there were no rules."

"What happened?"

I couldn't really tell him just then. "Oh, the usual." A few beatings, some rapes. The memories made me shudder. Instead of telling him that, I added, "I almost died "

It seems I'd said enough. Once again, Harry apologized, "I'm so sorry. I . . . I thought Captain Chakotay was an honorable man. Tuvok said he was."

"Chakotay was . . . I never saw him," I said bitterly. "The man owed me, but I never saw him when the Maquis went to town on me."

"He wasn't there?" I didn't know. I just knew I never saw him. "So . . . he didn't take part in hurting you?"

"*Hurting* me? Harry -- " I almost told him what they'd done to me. "No."

After a deep sigh, Harry asked, "Would you like some lunch?"

Lunch? Lunch? I almost laughed. I hadn't had lunch in six months. On the contrary, I had been lunch. Dammit, those tears came back to my eyes. "Yeah, Harry. I'd like some lunch."

"All right, then. Go pilot for awhile and I'll get us something out of the replicators." His hand reached down and I grabbed his wrist with my good hand, allowing him to help me to my feet. "What would you like?"

I thought about it. When had I last been asked what I'd like? Those few weeks on Voyager before we ended up in the Delta Quadrant? And before that? It must have been back when I was on the Exeter, before I blew my career and my life by telling the truth about Caldik Prime.

In between? No such luck. First, I'd drunk too much, drugged too much, and fucked too much, or maybe I should say, been fucked too much. Then, after my brief career in the Maquis, I was in Auckland. They didn't give a shit about what I wanted.

All right, Paris, I told myself. Stop this. No more of this self-pity crap. You and Harry are free now. Even though we were going to the planet of the Maquis, there were Ocampans there. Maybe Harry and I could seek asylum with them. We could give them a Federation shuttle for their trouble. If Harry didn't invoke the Prime Directive, I bet they'd like that. 'Course what would an underground dwelling people want with a space shuttle? Shit.

"Tom?" Harry asked when I hadn't answered him.

"Uh -- does that thing make pizza?"

That earned me a big grin from Harry. "I'll ask it."

Sure enough, once I'd cleaned up and resumed my seat at the front of the shuttle, Harry presented me with a plateful of pizza. Pepperoni. A Saint Bernard with a 16 oz. steak couldn't have salivated as much as I did over that pizza.

I guess I must have inhaled it for it was gone in no time. Harry had brought me a glass of juice as well, also now gone.

Once finished, I grinned over to this man who'd done so much for me. "Thanks, Harry. I owe you."

Harry looked a little uncomfortable. "Hey, you said that. But I guess we're even. You saved me from a Ferengi, remember?"

Geez, I hadn't remembered that part, not until he mentioned it. Somehow, doing good deeds hadn't figured high in my memory hit parade. "I remembered you in the bar, but I forgot about that part."

"I never have," he told me quietly.

"So. How long until we reach Paradise?"

Harry laughed. "Ocampa? It looks like 8 days, give or take a day. Paradise? You got me."

###############

Part 2

It only took about a day and a half in that small shuttle for my claustrophobia to kick in. I started seriously twitching and profusely sweating. A little hyperventilating left me gasping for air. And it had to happen when I was on duty while Harry slept.

I must have made enough noise for Harry to wake up. He stumbled toward me and gave me a concerned look. "Tom?"

Gulping noisily, I motioned toward the controls, "Auto-pilot," I choked out before I stood and fixed my sight on the viewscreen. Gazing out at the computer-generated view of the stars helped to calm me down. It was vast out there, very vast. Wide open.

Harry stood at my side. "What happened?"

Breathing more easily now, I wiped the sweat off my forehead. "I . . . a . . . little . . .you know. . . claustrophobia."

For a moment he just stood there silently. Then he nodded his head, "Better?"

I sighed. "Yeah."

"This happen a lot?"

"On and off."

"Need a hypospray?" I shook my head. "So-o. What triggered it?"

"Don't know." Well, I did know. A little panic over the impending family reunion with the Maquis, the sense that the walls of the shuttle were closing in as the shuttle inexorably drew me on to the Ocampan world.

"It'll be all right, Tom."

"Yeah. Right."

We sat together in the shuttle seats and Harry let the silence hang there for awhile. Finally, I asked him, "Do you want to know what happened? Back on Voyager?"

"Only if you want to tell me."

"Maybe . . . maybe you'd understand why . . ."

"Tom. I saw you in Cavit's quarters, kept like some kind of sex slave." From the tone of his voice, Harry didn't approve of what Cavit had done.

"That's . . . that's what I was, Har. His whore, he called me. I'm sure you heard that about me."

Harry's concern was palpable. "I didn't believe that you were a whore."

"Oh, gods, Harry." I just wanted to cry.

"What?"

As my rescuer, I figured Harry deserved the truth. "I was . . . you know . . . his whore."

"You must have had your reasons."

"Yeah." I had my reasons.

"What happened?"

My scrutiny of Harry's face told me his concern was for me, that it was genuine. And the hard look that had settled around his features let me know he'd be able to handle what I had to tell him. I knew it would take several hours to cover it all, in that time we'd take a few breaks, have a couple of nonalcoholic drinks (hey, I was piloting), and some snacks. But beyond all that, he would listen, he'd care, and, gods willing, he'd still be my friend when I finished the story.

"Okay, Har. Here it is."

***

In my role as observer, I stood on the bridge, just where Janeway had left me when she went over to the array with Tuvok. Cavit was in charge in her absence. We saw Chakotay destroy his ship against the Kazon ship. He was beamed out to Voyager just in time to avoid the explosion.

Cavit kept urging Janeway and Tuvok to return to Voyager. Finally, the captain ordered Tuvok back, but she stayed on. The array exploded and Janeway didn't return in time.

I couldn't believe it. I stood there stunned. Janeway'd been killed on that collapsing array. She was gone, returned to dust and atoms. Before I had a chance to process the implications of her death, Cavit ordered security to take me to the brig. I saw Harry start to open his mouth to protest, but I knew better than to fight it. Not with four security people surrounding me. Shaking my head at him to back off, I went with them quietly.

In the turbolift, the guard behind me slammed his doubled up fists into my kidneys and I dropped to my knees, groaning. Then someone kicked me in the side, toppling me over. I heard a guard order the lift to halt. By the time the doors reopened, I was barely conscious, blood poured from an open cut on my face. Two of them grabbed me under my arms and dragged me to the brig. Once there, they threw me inside and activated the forcefield. I vomited and coughed and otherwise just lay where they left me in a world of hurt.

Cavit eventually made his appearance, flanked by his guards. He stood just outside the forcefield and regarded me, hands on his hips, feet apart. "Well, well. Paris."

By this time the auto-cleaner had done its work and I'd managed to climb onto the bench. I lay on my side where it hurt the least. I could see him dimly through the one eye that wasn't yet swollen shut. Although technically I should have stood up when he appeared, I was hurting too much to move. I didn't think the greeting he gave required an answer so I remained silent.

"Your protector, Captain Janeway, is dead. I'm the new captain."

This wasn't big news.

"The Maquis are in custody on the shuttle bay. Some have been asking about you."

Based on the sneer in his voice, I gathered they weren't asking about me out of concern for my well being. I wondered what Cavit was doing here, aside from gloating. He didn't waste any time in telling me.

"It's your fault we're stranded here," he announced darkly.

Huh? I squinted out of my good eye to gain a better look at him. The dislike he'd displayed toward me since I came aboard Voyager was overlaid with a terrible rage. With his fists tightly clenched at his sides, he rocked there barely under control.

"Janeway thought you'd lead us to the Maquis. Well, you sure did all right, *75 years* from home." No doubt about it, Cavit was seriously pissed. I didn't understand how he came to blame me. Without my having to ask, he explained, "If you hadn't told us how to get into the badlands, we never would have been taken to this . . . this . . . ."

He'd worked his rage into red-faced speechlessness. Even with one eye I could see the beginnings of a kind of madness that would only grow worse with time. And with both my ears at full sensor range, there was no mistaking the ugly venom I heard in his voice.

"That bitch! She blew up our only way home and she blew herself up, too. Now I've got to get us home." I take it he didn't like all the aspects of command. "You, you lying, murdering whore, were her pet project. Well, no more privileges, Paris. Not one fucking one."

Without another word, he turned on his heels and marched out. Two of his guards remained behind to take me out of the brig and to the sickbay. Walking wasn't easy for me, but we made it. Apparently, they were under orders not to damage me any further, nor to let anyone else hurt me.

Once the holodoc took care of my injuries, they escorted me to the captain's quarters. If Captain Janeway had anything personal in the rooms, they were gone now. There wasn't much time to look over the outer, living room as I was hustled into the bedroom. To my surprise, Cavit wasn't there. But two other guards were on duty. So that made a total of four guards for one prisoner. In spite of my human appearance, Cavit must have thought I was a Klingon in disguise.

"Take your clothes off," one of the guards told me. He was a tall redhead with cold, brown eyes.

Glaring at him didn't seem to do any good. The other guard, who resembled a pig with his upturned nose and round cheeks, poked me with his phaser rifle. With as much dignity as I could muster, I pushed the muzzle of the rifle away with my forefinger. "I just took my clothes off for that holodoctor. You've had your free look."

"Take them off, smart mouth. Now."

My clothes were coming off, that much was clear. Either I did it or they did. So, with my fingers trembling, I began to undo the fastenings of my uniform. It was the last time I would see it. Even though the uniform had no pips, it had been a comfort to think I'd become a part of Starfleet once more. Now, any chance at redeeming myself was obliterated. Totally. I took my top off, then the turtleneck.

When I paused, the rifle barrel pointed at me with a motion that indicated that I was to continue. I was trembling all over, but I tried to put a smirk on my face. I undid my pants and let them drop. With my boots still on, the pants remained around my ankles. I stood before those hostile looking guards in only my briefs and the clothing pooled at my feet.

"All of it, Paris. Let's see the family jewels."

I took a deep breath. I wanted to stop this now. But I didn't know what I could do to prevent what would happen next. I tried to tell myself this was nothing different from what I'd done before, from times when I went with a couple of johns for a scene with them. But this was different, very different. I didn't want to do this. However, there just wasn't much of a choice. I didn't relish the idea of being phasered and having them strip me or worse while I was unconscious.

I pushed my briefs down as my hands shook. Despite my efforts at keeping up a good front, I was dreading the next steps.

"Take off the boots."

Now that I was completely exposed, I realized I couldn't finish the strip show standing up with the pants and shorts tangled around my ankles. So I sat down, giving the guards quite a show in the process. The way my hands shook made it take longer than I would have liked to pull off the boots and the last of the clothes. Finished, from my place on the floor, I looked up to the guards for instructions.

The pig guard took my clothes and put them in the recycler. Nope. I wasn't going to get to wear them again. Another of the guards motioned for me to scoot back against the wall, grunting, "Move back," to explain his nonverbal signals.

Hatred of me gleamed in their eyes. Anger made their postures rigid. Very carefully, my eyes not leaving my captors, I wiggled my way backwards on my butt until I hit the wall. The carpet burned as my bottom scraped over it. Now what?

After long minutes passed and I just sat there as still as I could manage, they began to relax. I guess they figured a naked man was unlikely to try something. Normally, they'd be right. But I had seen the way Cavit looked at me. Right now was about as good as it was going to get.

Muttering that it didn't take four guards for one naked prisoner, one of the guards, a young guy with stained teeth, left. Must have been too much for him. Good. Now it was only three to one, the redhead, the pig, and a dark-haired woman.

The woman looked at my crotch in frank interest. Too bad I was too scared to match her interest. S sign from me might have gone a long way toward the diversion I hoped for.

One of the male guards, the redheaded one who'd started hitting me in the turbolift, kept darting these quick looks down at me, then he'd turn his eyes away with a disgusted look on his face. I knew that I had him and let my left leg fall to the floor, increasing his view while hopefully increasing his distraction as well.

The other male guard smirked as if he knew what I was doing. I could only hope that he hadn't a clue.

All I needed now was a diversion, some sounds, a Kazon attack, anything. When it came, I was surprised. Tuvok announced his presence outside the Captain's door. He requested that they let him in.

All three turned to look back at the door and I sprang. I managed to knock over the two male guards, batting away one phaser rifle and grabbing another. Then, I felt the butt end of the rifle as the woman swung it at my back. Although it hurt like hell and sent me reeling, I was too pumped on adrenalin to let it take me out. I whirled back and, knowing the rifle I held was set on stun, fired it at her. She fell back, but by this time, the red-haired man I'd downed was lurching to his feet and preparing himself to head butt me. I dodged his head, but the guard still on the floor grabbed an ankle and pulled. Off balance, I fell hard.

At this time, Tuvok entered the quarters and calmly retrieved the rifle from my hands. He came between me and the guards and put a stop to my aborted attempt at freedom.

He'd only been on the ship a short time, but I knew that Janeway swore by him. She'd trusted him to infiltrate Chakotay's Maquis cell. As her chief of security, his loyalty might be to her and not the new captain. All these thoughts careened through my mind in no particular order as I lay flat out on the floor. My back throbbed where it'd been whacked.

A raised eyebrow told me Tuvok noticed my lack of clothing. After restoring some order to the room, he asked the guards why I wasn't wearing any clothes, why I wasn't in the brig, and why I was in the captain's quarters.

"Captain's orders," the redheaded guard told him in response to each query.

"I see," Tuvok intoned. He sure had that Vulcan way of speaking down pat. "The Captain is busy right now. As security chief, I'm in charge of all prisoners. Stralley, get this man some clothes."

Apparently Tuvok knew these guards. And he should, they were all part of his security force.

Tuvok hadn't been around on Voyager for awhile. Maybe that's why Stralley didn't move. With a lot of interest, I watched Tuvok stare down his own subordinate. Stralley stuttered, "The . . . the . . . . "

"I'm sure the Captain never ordered you to remove a prisoner's clothes. He has just come from sick bay where the doctor thoroughly checked him out. So, there is no need for a strip search. Get him some clothes. Now."

This was getting good. I decided to chime in, "Um, I'd like to return to the brig?"

Tuvok's dark gaze pinned me in place. "As soon as you are properly attired."

No argument there. I wasn't too thrilled with the idea of parading from the Captain's quarters to the brig in the altogether. Too many Fleeters hated me for that kind of display to be anything remotely comfortable.

The second male guard went to a replicator and got me a loose pair of pants and top in a nondescript grey and a soft pair of slippers. Even Auckland had better prison garb, but I decided to withhold the fashion critique for the time being. Very quickly I slipped into the clothes and slippers.

Stralley whined, "Lt. Tuvok, the Captain isn't going to like this."

"I will take it up with him. In the meantime, I will return the prisoner to his proper location in the brig."

Once we exited the cabin, I tried to thank the Vulcan who strode purposefully beside me. "Do not thank me for doing my job."

"Um, Lieutenant, I . . . look, he's after my ass. I don't think you can prevent it, and it could get you thrown in the brig if you try."

"I realize what you said was against your own self-interest, however, I am a Starfleet officer and will do my job."

"Thanks." I didn't know what else to say. 'Live long and prosper' seemed a bit out of place as we went towards the brig.

We walked in silence until we reached the brig. "Do you require medical assistance?"

I thought about it. The bruise on my back hurt, but the holodoc's bedside manner left a lot to be desired. "No."

"Very well."

He seemed ready to leave, but I wasn't sure I wanted him to go. "Um. Lt. Tuvok. Um . . . "

"Yes?"

"Look. If . . . if I have any trouble with . . . the Captain. . . or . . . um . . . can I reach you?"

"As a matter of security, your comm badge has been confiscated. However, I will attempt to check in on you from time to time to ascertain your well being."

"What if . . . what if I'm not here?"

I hated to let him hear how desperate I felt, but I knew that the captain had it in for me. If the Vulcan couldn't imagine it, then I wanted him to know that I believed this to be serious.

It was hard to know from his words whether he understood or not. "I will do my job."

Voyager's night settled in with the dimming of the lights, even in the brig. I dozed on my bench and heard the guard on duty being called away. With the forcefield in place it didn't seem as if I could go anywhere in the guard's absence. I was wrong.

Cavit walked in flanked by Stralley. This is it, I thought. My eyes tracked Stralley as he went behind the security console.

"Do it," Cavit ordered. "And bring me . . . "

I missed the end of the sentence as the transporter caught me. I found myself materializing in the shuttle bay, laying on the cold shuttle bay floor. As soon as the various Maquis realized who was in their midst, several gathered around me. I felt like a Borg at a Starfleet banquet.

It didn't get ugly until Dalby arrived. A loose-limbed man with dark hair and eyes, his hate-filled face told me all I needed to know. He gathered his immediate friends around us and I found myself surrounded with no place to go. The best I could hope for was a beating. Dalby's booted foot shoved me onto my stomach then pushed my thighs apart. A kick to my crotch left me paralyzed and gasping in blazing pain.

He kicked at me a few more times and I could feel a rib crack. When I thought I had regained enough strength, I scrabbled upwards and tried to run for the doors that led into the ship's interior. But one of the Maquis held out his leg and tripped me. I still tried to bolt for freedom, but the crowd surged in.

Fists and boots pummeled at me and I rolled up into as tight a ball as I could manage. It wasn't enough. There were too many who pulled at my clothes until I was naked.

With the others holding me down, Dalby's mouth closed in on my ear. He almost spit out his words, "You're ready, aren't you, Paris? Let's see what you do with a real man."

All during that painful ordeal I wished I could somehow transport out of there. Finally, Dalby shouted in triumph as he finished.

Someone else took his place, then another, and another. Six in all. I think. My body felt limp and bruised and as if it no longer belonged to me. I had no doubt I was going to die by being tortured to death in this godsforsaken shuttle bay. Just when I thought it was over, Dalby returned, this time using his fist over and over. I felt jolted, electrocuted by agony. But my screams were muffled by a hand across my hurt mouth.

A sharp, fiery pain lanced inside me and something gave way. This time, my mouth pulled free and my high scream careened about the shuttle bay. A hand clamped back down over my mouth.

Something awful smelling assailed my partially covered nose as Dalby stopped at last. My sobs of horror and shock were totally suppressed by the hands over my face.

Over the roaring in my ears and the ringing in my head, I heard one of them gasp, "Fuck! Dalby, what'd you do?"

I think I must have lost consciousness once or twice. Awakening from a horror show replaying in my mind, I heard a woman's voice, an angry woman's voice, bellow across the vast space.

"What the hell are you men doing?" she demanded. "Get off of him!"

Somehow she had the strength to pull the Maquis off of my body and fling them away from me. When I turned, very slowly 'cause I hurt too much to move quickly, I saw she was the half-Klingon woman Chakotay had on his ship. Torres. We'd helped to rescue her on the Ocampan world.

With the men thrown to the four corners of the shuttle bay, she stood over me like a conquering Klingon warrior. "We are Maquis!" she shouted at them fiercely. "We are Maquis! How dare you . . ."

I don't know what else she might have had to say, because I felt the transporter tingle on my skin. I shimmered out before I could hear Dalby's answer. My screams from sickbay could probably be heard all over the ship. That prune-faced holodoctor hovered over me, instruments in hand. "Take it easy, Paris, you'll be fine in no time."

Cavit appeared above my bed as I cried hysterically, "No more, please no more, no more."

I babbled over and over trying to convince him that I couldn't take any more. The doctor put up the restraints to prevent my thrashing around. His bald head gleamed brightly as he conducted his examination.

All the while I continued to cry. I was pitiful. Finally, he gave me a hypospray that calmed me down even though it didn't put me out. I heard him tell Cavit what the damage was. "A perforated bowel. This is very serious, Captain."

"Well, fix him up if you can. If you can't . . ."

"Oh, I can. But this man cannot be subject to this kind of abuse ever again. As Captain, you have . . . "

"Shut up, doctor, or I'll kill your program."

The holographic doctor shut up and did his magic to mend my body. Before Cavit had me beamed to the brig, the doctor told him that I needed counseling. Cavit's evil laugh was the last I heard about counseling.

Thanks to the wizardry of sickbay, the physical effects of the brutal rapes had been erased. But I was numb with shock and shivering from an inner, blue cold that felt as if my skin covered a submerged iceberg. Psychological shock kept me immobilized except for the shuddery shivers that racked my body.

Before I fell asleep, I heard Cavit's low growl, "You're mine, Paris."

Recovering in the brig, I realized that I had nothing left, not even my humanity. Dalby and his Maquis, probably with Cavit's blessing and maybe even Chakotay's wink and nod, had stripped it from me and left nothing but an ill-used body.

I spent the next week in the brig, nightmares of the Maquis repeatedly leaving me trembling and sick. My will to fight back was gone. Hell, my will to stay alive was gone.

I saw Cavit outside my cell at odd times. Usually he was there for only moments before being called away. Then, without warning, I was beamed to Cavit's bedroom.

###############

Part 3

"I'm so sorry, Tom," Harry told me with a crack in his voice. When I darted a glance at his face, I saw tears in his eyes.

"Thanks," I replied as I gazed solemnly at my hands kneading the material that covered my thighs. "I don't want the same thing to happen to you when we reach the Ocampan world."

"It won't."

Gods, he sounded so confident. With tears in my own eyes, I looked up and held his gaze, "How can you be so sure?"

He thought about his response. If he'd told me his confidence stemmed from the fact that he wasn't me, I probably would have believed him. But that wasn't what he said. "If . . . if I can get to Chakotay first, I think everything will be okay. For both of us, Tom, not just me."

"Well, I hope he'll be there for you. He sure as hell wasn't around for me."

"I'm sorry. I don't know why he didn't stop what they did to you."

"Maybe they were doing what he wanted to do."

"Tuvok . . . "

I interrupted, and in my most sarcastic tone, informed him, "Tuvok. He wasn't quite enough."

My anger and hurt boiled up out of me and I didn't mean to take it out on Harry. Unfortunately, that's what I did. At his crestfallen expression, I just kind of fell in on myself. Shit. Shit. Shit. "I . . . I'm sorry, Harry."

"Hey. You went through hell. You've got nothing to feel sorry for."

I gave him another one of my shrugs. Sure. Someone finally helps me and I take his head off. "Look, Harry, can this thing fly itself for awhile?"

"Yeah. It's on auto-pilot. You tired?"

"Very."

"I'll stand watch, go get some sleep."

His dark eyes seemed to want to take me inside them and soothe me with their chocolate coating. "Um. Thanks."

***

My nap was interrupted by Harry calling my name sharply, over and over. "Tom! Tom! Wake up, buddy, come on, wake up."

When I came awake my heart was thudding, my body was sheeted in sweat, my clothes soaked through with my perspiration. I felt terrified and disoriented. What did Cavit want . . . ? What had I done wrong. . . . ? The Maquis, that was it, the Maquis. No. "No!"

"Tom. It's me, Harry. It's all right. You were dreaming. It's all right."

I looked around wild-eyed, almost seeing nothing except Harry's body hovering above me. I was on the shuttle's bunk. I was in the Cochrane. We had left Voyager. We had left Voyager. But we were . . . "Harry. No. You're not Cavit."

He sat down on the bunk beside me and used a corner of the damp sheet to wipe the sweat off my face. Softly, he crooned at me, "You're safe, Tom. It's all right."

"Cavit . . ." How could I tell him how terrified I was of being captured by Cavit?

"Tell me about it, Tom. Just talk to me. What happened?"

Harry and I sat side by side as I collected myself. The nightmare that had been so recently my reality was right there looming over all else in my mind.

***

I materialized in the captain's bedroom, brought there by a site-to-site transfer. Stralley and the pig guard who'd been there earlier lounged by the doorway between the bedroom and the living area. Although they leaned casually against the bedroom walls, facing us, they were not casually armed. Each had a phaser rifle in his hand as well as phasers holstered to their sides. No exit that way.

And there, hands on his hips, an angry glare in his eyes, stood Cavit. "Don't expect the Vulcan to rescue you this time."

I guessed that he was referring to the first time I'd been in these quarters and Tuvok had walked in. I took a deep breath and placed a smirk on my lips. In as calm a voice as I could manage, I asked, "Will I need rescuing?"

Cavit's laughter answered me. "I know you whored around before you joined the Maquis. Now? You're going to be my whore. If you don't cooperate, I'll send you to the Maquis."

My throat became too small for words to get out. The protest I wanted to make became a strangled cry.

"Let's see you act the way a whore would act. Take off your clothes. Slowly."

As quickly as I could, I sized up the situation, ticking off the negatives. First, I was outnumbered. Second, a powerful guy, actually the most powerful person on the ship, wanted my ass. Third, I had no doubt he was going to have it, either the easy way or the hard way. Fourth, the rapes by the Maquis had pretty well taken care of my ability to fight back. I sure as hell couldn't face them again. Not and live. Would Cavit treat me any better?

An irrational urge to control this encounter went through me. Maybe I could do what he wanted in such a way that I would actually end up controlling him by using my body. Considering that my alternative was the brutality of Dalby and his pals, it seemed like a good idea.

So, old instincts for survival kicked in. Controlling my inner terror that he'd send me to the shuttle bay sooner than later, and knowing that no one would give a shit, I did what I had to do. I dedicated a leer toward Cavit that promised I'd give him a good time.

As I watched, his attitude adjusted from arrogance to poorly disguised interest. With shaking fingers, I slowly began to undo the fastenings to my top. I licked my dry lips as if eagerly anticipating our impending coupling. When it happened, I just prayed I wouldn't gag.

When I finished my strip-tease, I heard words that told me I was a fool to think I could control this encounter.

"Get over here," Cavit ordered. Before I took a step, he amended his order, "On your knees."

The short version is that he had me any way he wanted me. All of this happened after he insisted on my begging him to do what he so obviously was going to do, permission or no. Believing I was demonstrating control of the situation, like a fool, I did as he ordered.

He must have been saving up for this, because it went on for a long time. Eventually, hours later, he stopped. Okay, I thought, that's that. It's over. If he liked it enough, maybe he wouldn't kill me, wouldn't send me to the Maquis in the shuttle bay.

But it wasn't over. He shattered any illusions I might have still held about having some control over this encounter. With a viciousness that chilled me, he informed me, "You're mine now."

I sure as hell didn't belong to myself any longer. He ordered me to pick up my clothes. Shaking, hurting, I did as I was told. I must have looked pathetic as I held my clothes to my chest, dripping with quickly chilling bodily fluids. I hoped he was sending me back to my cell. Clothed or naked, it didn't matter. The brig would be better than remaining here.

Instead, Cavit taunted me, "Paris, you looked so enticing on the holovid I made of you earlier. Remember the day my men brought you here and told you to strip? And then there was the vid of your very entertaining visit with the Maquis. Now, I can't wait to replay the vid of our own little encounter. The first of many."

I couldn't help it. My skin turned crimson from shame. I had acted just like a whore. Survival seemed to bring that out in me. Angry and humiliated, I lashed out and threw my clothes in his face.

Before I could savor that small victory, Cavit reached for his phaser. He must have set it on low stun. I flopped once on the floor and couldn't move my body.

I didn't pass out so I heard Cavit when he stood over me and ordered, "Get this: you're mine. No one gives a rat's ass about you. Obey me and, hell, maybe you'll live to whore another day."

Being stunned at this level meant I couldn't respond either verbally or nonverbally. But I also couldn't control the wetness in my eyes. Keeping his phaser in his hand, it was totally clear that I had better follow his instructions. In later days and months, I would regret that he hadn't set the phaser on vaporize.

Smelling of foul odors, I prayed silently that he would send me back to the brig. This time he did.

Sometimes he didn't return me to the brig right away. There were times when he used me as a reward for Stralley or the pig guard. I felt like nothing to be traded as a prize for their desires. And it was worse when Cavit watched.

Over time, the visits to his room became more frequent, the threat of being returned to the Maquis used to ensure my cooperation with his desires. Eventually he wanted to do things I didn't want him to. Yeah, I know, rapes weren't exactly high on my list. But he wanted to pierce my body. Put rings in my nipples. Just the thought of it made me feel sick.

I expected him to threaten me with the Maquis, but he just laughed and told me he guessed it was time to stop invoking their name. They'd been gone for three weeks. While I tried to understand the lengths to which he'd go to make me do his bidding, he replicated a leather strap.

He beat me until my back was swollen and bleeding, then he took me. He put the rings through my nipples.

In all those visits to his room over the past month, I thought my ability to cry had been broken. But as I lay on his bed, tears and blood freely flowing, he stood over me. "I don't think you're going back to the brig."

Through the tears, I asked, "Why?"

"I've consolidated my position now. Moving Tuvok from security to science and putting Stralley in charge of security gives me a lot more freedom."

That hadn't been my question. I tried to halt my cries and ended up hiccuping. "Why here? You hate me." My breath hitched. "Why would you want me around all the time?"

He acknowledged that he did hate me. Not only had I led Voyager to her fate in the Delta Quadrant, but I was also a Fleet brat gone bad. Starfleet had once meant something to him. It was as if I was some hated part of what he'd become. He wanted me around so that he could take out his anger and his rage on me.

***

In the midst of my emptiness, while Cavit and his friends were on some planet's surface, Tuvok got past the guards and visited me. "Mr. Paris, I regret deeply what has happened to you. It should not have occurred." He paused, as if gathering himself together for something, "I should like to assist you. Would you permit me?"

I said nothing, what was there to say? Thanks so much for your regrets, I'm sure it'll heal my body and spirit just fine? But, on the off chance that he could actually help, I slowly nodded my head.

Then, he did something very strange. He placed his hand on my head, fingers in a formal pattern. At first it felt as if my mind was being violated just as my body had been. But then I felt a calmness enter me, a sense of peacefulness, even some hope. When he pulled his hand away, I gazed up at him in wonder. What had he done?

"Mr. Paris, I have established a light mind link with you. I cannot stop all the plans that Cavit has for you, but I will try to take away your pain so that you may live with some sense of peace. If there is a chance to effect a complete evacuation of you from Mr. Cavit's quarters, I will do so. However, I would not hope for that any time soon. Just know that I am aware of what is going on."

I couldn't help the tears that burned out of my eyes and down my cheeks. When I asked him what he had done, he told me it was simply a connection that would reinforce my natural resilience. I didn't understand what he said.

I never saw him alone again, it was too risky for us both. His link helped me through the lonely despair that I lived with each day. Yet the part of me that felt abandoned, betrayed, and used, told me that it took him long enough to actually get me out of there.

***

I hardly dared to look at Harry until his soft voice carried through my shame. "Tom."

His arm stretched toward me as if he wanted to touch me but wasn't sure he should. "Guess I kind of miscalculated Cavit."

Like a falling leaf, his hand fell to his lap, "How so?"

"I forgot the difference between prostitution and rape. I thought he wanted mind blowing sex."

"Didn't he?"

I shrugged. "I just . . . I just didn't realize how much he hated me, how much he held me personally responsible for the situation we were in. And I didn't understand that he needed to dominate and humiliate me."

As if in belated response to the events I'd recounted, my stomach began to turn flip flops and bitter bile rose up in my throat. As I lunged toward the small bathroom, I hoped I'd make it before I threw up.

Somehow, Harry was right on my heels, ready to hold me over the toilet as I heaved. When I was done, very gently he set me on the floor, my back to the wall. He cleaned up both me and the floor and flushed the toilet. After he got some water, I rinsed it around my mouth. By the time I was done, he had sat down beside me.

Sighing, Harry said, "Tom, I can't tell you how strong I think you are. I don't think I could have survived that first day in his quarters, much less six months."

"But don't you see? I antagonized him! I . . . I gave him a road map to my ass. I should have fought him off, not given myself to him!"

"You did try to control the situation and him. You can't blame yourself that it didn't work, that you were dealing with some kind of . . . ."

Harry didn't say the word he was thinking. I thought I could fill it in for him. "Pervert?"

"No. I was thinking Cavit is a sociopath. It's a wonder he got past the psych eval at the Academy."

"Yeah. Well, he did. Hell, I don't know what the man is. Maybe being flung into the Delta Quadrant just unhinged him . . . ."

There was a fierceness in Harry's voice then. "Don't try to make excuses for him! What he did to you was unforgivable. Hear me?"

"Look, it was my fault we were pulled into the Delta Quadrant. I directed Voyager to the badlands, I put us in the path of that displacement wave."

"No, Tom. You didn't. That's Cavit talking. Starfleet sent us after Chakotay and the Maquis because Tuvok was on board and hadn't been heard from. You helped. What happened, Tom, is not your fault. None of it!"

I just snorted. Gods, I was tired. I didn't want to debate Harry. But, now that we were beyond Voyager's reach, I wondered about him. "Why did you do it, Har?"

"Do what?"

"Rescue me, take this shuttle and head us toward the Ocampans?"

Another sigh from Harry. "Lots of reasons. Tuvok and I were in on it, but we tried to cover Tuvok's tracks so Cavit doesn't know what really happened. There's some others on the ship, people who were loyal to Janeway and hate what Cavit's doing."

I wasn't sure what Cavit was doing that went beyond brutalizing me when he had the chance. "How do you mean?"

"Cavit's breaking the Prime Directive, giving away technology if it'll get us what he wants. He has no interest in the Delta Quadrant at all. There's so many uncharted phenomena out here, and he just passes them by. He uses the people we've come across for his own ends, the hell with their well being."

There was such vehemence in Harry's voice. The young ensign had gotten an education in the past six months, one that left him embittered and angry. "And what he did to the Maquis . . ."

The Maquis were a sore point with me. "What about the Maquis?"

He looked at me, obviously registering the heat in my voice. "You have every right to hate them. But Cavit just abandoned them on a world that had an occupying force on the surface and a people underground whose energy source would run out in five years. He did nothing to help, just killed and hurt people and left."

I shook my head. "I don't give a shit about the Maquis."

The words hung in the air between us. After all that I'd told him, how could he not understand?

He helped me to my feet and we went forward, back to our seats. Harry brought me another glass of water. "Do you need anything else, Tom? I could get out the med kit."

"No. I'll be okay. Thanks." I puzzled over his explanation for why he helped me and realized I still didn't understand. "Harry, why did you rescue me?"

"I heard about what was happening to you from Tuvok. We both agreed that we would get you off the ship as soon as we could. Unfortunately, that chance never really came. Whenever we orbited a planet, you were heavily guarded. Without a comm badge, we couldn't beam you out of there. Only Cavit had fixed a way to beam you around the ship without a badge."

"Yeah, I realized that later. The doc put something under my skin the first time I was in sick bay. It was activated by Cavit's voice command only." I shrugged.

Even though I could now tell Harry about it easily, it had taken me months to figure out what Cavit and the doc had done. When Cavit found the bloody mess I'd made of my neck in a fruitless effort to dig it out, he'd beaten me worse than he ever had. That was a memory that made me shudder. Wondering about why I was now on a shuttle, I asked, "So what changed?"

"The wormhole. Big enough for a shuttle, too big for Voyager. And it leads back to the Ocampans and the Maquis. So, we figured we'd get you off Voyager."

"But why did you come with me? I don't think the Maquis are going to like you any better than they like me. You're Starfleet."

"I'm a deserter, Tom."

I had seen something strange in his dark eyes and I pressed him, "Why?"

He gave me an exasperated look, "You're not going to let it drop, are you?"

"No."

"I've got a mission."

"A mission?"

"Yes. That's all I can say for now. But you'll be safe, Tom. Trust me."

"Harry, these are Maquis who believe I was traitor to them twice over. They think I let myself be captured by Starfleet when I flew that mission for them so I could turn them in. None of that was true. But it is true that I led Voyager to the badlands after them. And I did it so that I might get out of prison earlier than I would have otherwise. The Maquis hate me."

His face looked troubled but there wasn't anything I could do or say to erase it. What had happened, had happened. Harry didn't need to have me sugarcoat either what I'd done or what they'd done. "But didn't you say Chakotay owed you?"

"Sure, he did. I saved his life in the Ocampan tunnel. But I guess he kind of forgot."

"Can you talk about it?"

"What is this, Harry? Therapy?"

He seemed startled. "No. It's just that you . . . you look. . . . Tom, you look like hell. You sound so bitter." He put up a hand as if to forestall any argument from me. "And I know you have good reasons. If a Maquis had raped me, I guess I'd be bitter, too."

"*A Maquis*? If it was *a* Maquis . . . oh, shit, you know what happened."

"I know, Tom. I wish we could have gotten you out of there sooner."

I closed my eyes and when I opened them I found Harry still sitting there, a concerned expression on his face. Softly, I reflected, "So do I, Har. So do I."

###############

Part 4

A day out from the Ocampan world I went into a panic, not while I was having a nightmare, but when I was wide awake. I fucking lost it. One minute I sat at the helm, somewhat bored as the autopilot ensured that we remained on course. The next minute I couldn't breathe, hammers struck at my chest, my field of vision darkened and narrowed. I was sure I was dying.

Before I passed out, I managed to lurch toward the back, toward Harry.

When I came to, Harry had a hypospray in his hand. The slight tingle at my neck let me know that he'd used it to bring me around. The lethargy I felt indicated that he may have done more with the hypospray. "What?"

Okay, not the most intelligent question in the universe.

"You fainted," Harry told me, his voice matter of fact.

I closed my eyes. I knew it was more than a faint. When I opened my eyes, Harry still hovered over me, concern vying with fear on his face. "I can't do it, Harry," I confessed. "I can't go there."

He pressed his palm against my cheek, "Tom, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

"Anyplace else? Can we go anyplace else?" Gods, I must have sounded pathetic begging him like that.

"Tom, I have to go there. But . . . while I'm down below the surface . . . maybe you should stay in the shuttle until I get everything . . . settled. Would that work?"

He helped me to sit up and then guided me over to the bunk. I lay down on it as if my body was under 4 Gs of pressure.

"What . . . what'd you give me?"

"Can't get anything past you, huh?" Harry grinned.

"Well, shit. First you wake me up, then you put me to sleep," I grumbled.

"It's just a light sedative." At my grimace, he hastened to explain, "Tom, you haven't been sleeping --" we both knew why " -- and what just happened, I think you need to rest for awhile."

"Dr. Kim," I conferred a title on him with a tired smirk. His answering smile was just as weary. And I realized that my lack of sleep due to nightmares was also his lack of sleep.

As I drifted off, I heard him whisper with an intensity that would have shaken me if I were more awake, "It'll be all right, Tommy, it's got to be all right."

***

As we neared orbit around the planet, Harry woke me. I took one look out the view port and felt the sour taste of nausea in my throat. "I'm sorry, Tom, but we're here."

I knuckled the sleep out of my eyes and followed him to our seats at the front of the shuttle. "Did you mean it, Harry? I won't have to go down there?"

"Not if I can help it."

Shakily, I nodded, "Okay."

Neither of us approached the unspoken concern of what I would do in orbit and where I -- or we -- would go if . . . well, if things didn't go according to Harry's plan. So, instead, I dealt with questions about the local situation. "Any Kazon?"

"No. They seem to have left. Hey, with no array, no water, no way down to the Ocampan underground, there'd be no profit. Right?"

"Good. Any other aliens orbiting here?"

"None have showed up on sensors."

"What do sensors show of conditions on the planet?" Harry didn't answer right away and my heart jumped. What had he found? Was there any danger from the Maquis? "Harry?"

He must have heard my anxiety. "Tom, it's okay. I'm just comparing the readings with the last time we were here."

"Oh." I was ready to place us into a standard orbit. "Should I go ahead and . . . ."

My uncertainty was flowing out everywhere like a shaken bottle of beer. Harry stopped what he was doing to turn to me, "Tom, you know what you're doing. Take us into orbit."

Nodding, I plotted the details and without any hitch we assumed a standard orbit.

As I gazed out the viewscreen, the red-orange surface of the planet presented an almost unchanging face to us as we flew around it. But something out of place caught my eye. "Harry. What's that?"

"Yeah, I picked it up on my sensors. It looks like . . . a garden?"

"It's green," I reported. "What does it mean?"

"Don't know."

We saw a few more green patches as well as a ribbon of water that connected them. This was definitely new. How had the Ocampans done this? Or was it the Maquis? Or some aliens who'd moved in when the Kazons moved out? A lot of questions and not many answers. I couldn't help but worry about Harry's safety down there.

"Harry? Maybe this isn't such a good idea."

"What?"

"You going down there by yourself."

His eyes swept my face, judging me, my state of mind, my ability to handle what might be on the surface. "Are you saying you want to come with me?"

Just thinking about it made my knees feel weak and my head feel light. "Oh, Jeez, Harry, I don't know if I . . . . "

His expression never changed. "Do what's best for you, Tom. If you go down there and fall apart, you won't be helping me. If you stay up here but can send down a phaser spray or beam me up . . . . It's up to you. But before you decide you should know sensors show three Ocampans and one human on the surface."

"I think . . . . " it took everything I had to finish the sentence. "I think you need someone at your back."

"You're sure?"

"I'll be all right." I nodded a few times to convince us both. My heart was pounding, but the decision was made. I was going down there. "You won't mind if I take a compression rifle, will you?"

With a smile, he told me, "Take two. Or three."

"So. What's the plan?"

"Well, my original plan was to land the shuttle on the planet near where we came out of the tunnel. Then later, when I thought you were going to stay on board, I decided that I'd beam down to that same area near the tunnel."

"And now?"

"Let's go back to the original plan of landing the shuttle. If you notice, the tunnel is near one of those green areas and that's where the people are. As we fly in, I'll get as much information about that green patch as I can."

With a bitter taste in my mouth, I knew the fucking human had to be a Maquis. But I reassured myself that it was only one. Pulling myself together, my voice barely quavered when I told Harry, "Good plan. Laying in a course."

As my mind became occupied with the logistics of landing the shuttle, the fear of what I faced down below receded a little. A very little. My hands shook and I had to take a few deep breaths to steady myself. Even though I could land a shuttle almost in my sleep, I forced myself to concentrate on piloting. No sense crashing on the planet's surface.

***

We landed within a kilometer of the green area, a flourishing garden according to Harry's reports. By the time we had the shuttle door open, we found four 'gardeners' greeting us. No hoes or shovels, just hats and long sleeved shirts to protect themselves from the Ocampan sun. I didn't recognize the Ocampans, but the human was a Maquis woman named Henley. Dark haired, thin, medium height, tight lines broke her face into sharp planes. I remembered her as a Maquis with attitude, but then, I guess most of the Maquis I remembered had an attitude. She pointed an unknown weapon at me.

I directed a compression rifle at her. Harry aimed its companion at the group in general.

"Tom Paris," Henley spoke my name as if she had dirt in her mouth. Looking at Harry, she barked, "Who are you?"

"Harry Kim."

"Starfleet."

"Retired," Harry corrected. "I need to see Chakotay."

Henley just sneered. "Let me get this straight. You and this traitor show up here in a Starfleet shuttle, point weapons at us, and demand to see Chakotay? What? Did you find a way back to the Alpha Quadrant and just had to complete your mission of capturing the Maquis? Huh?"

Harry kept calm in the face of her hostility. "No. I'll explain to Chakotay when I see him."Surprising me, Harry lowered his weapon and held out his hand, pointing my rifle down as well. "Harry!"

"Shut up, Tom, and let me handle this," he ordered sotto voce and Henley apparently didn't hear him.

Turning toward Harry, I challenged him. "Are you sure ? That's a Maquis." For Harry's sake I left out the expletive.

"She won't hurt you, Tom. Do this my way."

Reluctantly, I pointed my rifle at the ground even as I fought down the panic that threatened to overwhelm me. Maybe I should have stayed in orbit.

Harry stared down Henley until she, too, lowered her weapon. On her dark clothing, a communicator gleamed. It wasn't shaped like those used on Voyager, but I figured that it functioned in the same way. She hit the device and spoke, her words too soft for us to hear.

Shocked, I took a step backwards when four Maquis with rifles materialized. The Ocampans didn't have transporters, the Maquis ship had been destroyed, and Cavit sure as hell hadn't given them transporter technology. How had this happened?

I couldn't tell if any of these Maquis were among those who'd attacked me, but fortunately, Dalby wasn't among them. We were obviously outgunned and, very carefully, Harry placed his rifle on the ground. Following his lead, after Harry glared at me, I did likewise. Two of the Maquis picked up our rifles as the Ocampans looked on with frowns on their faces.

"We're here in peace. I need to see Chakotay."

Henley looked at one of the Maquis. After he nodded at her, she hit her comm badge again. This time Chakotay materialized.

When I saw the smug son-of-a bitch, I couldn't help it, I lunged at him, "You bastard! You bastard!"

In taking them by surprise, I got in a solid head butt to Chakotay's middle before a Maquis rifle clobbered me to the ground. I groaned and tried to get away from the second blow that was aimed at my back. I saw Chakotay's hand stop his defender.

"No. That's enough."

I knew there were a few weapons pointed at me. Somehow I managed to control my rage to the point where I simply trembled on the red dirt but made no move to get up. Belatedly, I remembered Harry saying that we came in peace.

"Sir." That was Harry Kim, polite even to the enemy. "I'm Harry Kim. From Voyager. I have something for you."

"Tom Paris?"

"No, sir. Tom is with me for reasons that . . . . Look, he needs asylum."

"And you came to the Maquis?" Chakotay's voice was incredulous. And well it should be.

"Sir. Please look at this PADD. I'm going to take it out very slowly."

Curious, I watched Harry withdraw a PADD from a pocket in his shirt. He stepped very deliberately toward the Maquis captain and extended his hand.

I guessed that Chakotay, as well, must have been questioning, for he didn't order my immediate execution. He accepted the PADD and began to scan its contents. Every so often, he looked at Harry as if he couldn't believe what he was reading. His lips pursed and a low whistle sailed over my head.

Finished with his scan, Chakotay turned his gaze down at me and I saw something strange in his expression. I thought it was pity, maybe even compassion. To the Ocampans he asked, "Would you be able to secure quarters for these two men? Make them comfortable?"

The head Ocampan nodded gravely. He was a tall man with gray hair and gray eyes who looked nothing like Cavit, despite the similarity in their coloring. "Yes, Chakotay. It will be done. We will keep you informed."

"Good." To his own people, especially Henley, he said in a very deliberate manner, "These men are under my protection. No one but Ocampans are to go in or out of their quarters. If I learn of anyone causing any harm to them, that person will answer to me, personally. And I will not be lenient if these orders are broken. Understood?"

I could hardly figure out what was going on. Did the Maquis think their leader was in his right mind? I sure as hell thought he'd lost it. An Ocampan gave me a hand up and I stood face to face with Chakotay. Rubbing my shoulder where I'd been hit, I asked, "Why?"

His dark eyes bored into me, as if trying to see something I didn't know was there. It made me want to turn around to see what was behind me. "We'll talk later, Paris."

His hand reached out toward me and I shied away involuntarily. He was too closely associated in my experience with his crewmen, such as Dalby. And those encounters were the stuff of my nightmares. They even terrified me in my waking hours. Chakotay's words notwithstanding, it seemed too likely that the nightmares would become real once again.

Almost regretfully, Chakotay tried once more to reach me, this time with only his voice. His hands remained firmly at his sides. "I'm sorry, Paris. I didn't know."

His words stunned me, but I couldn't find my voice to challenge him on them. He didn't know? He fucking didn't know? Fuck!

Glaring back at the big Maquis, I stood beside the Ocampans and beside Harry. We were beamed away from the surface to the Ocampan home below ground and shown to an apartment.

The tall, gray-haired Ocampan told us his name was Bren and that we were welcome to stay here. On our tour of the two rooms, he showed us the food dispensers with which Harry already seemed familiar. There was only one bed, a little larger than the bunk I'd had on Voyager during the brief time when I was an observer and Janeway was the captain. As if reading my thoughts, and I remember hearing that the Ocampan were telepathic, Bren said, "Another bed can be arranged if it's needed."

"Yeah, good," I agreed as Harry carried a bowl of something away from the food dispenser.

"Let me know if there is anything you need," Bren offered, a perfect host.

Harry handed me the bowl and, without thinking, I accepted it. Bren nodded and left.

When I looked into the bowl, I thought with a grimace that even the scraps Cavit allowed me appeared better than this. I shoved the bowl back at Harry and sat down on a chair. Too restless to stay put, I bounced up and began pacing the room.

"Tom. It's going to be all right."

"How do you know that? The Maquis could be here any minute." I felt too jumpy to sit still. I was sure the Maquis were on their way, Dalby leading the pack, my ass as their objective. Unless Chakotay took me first.

After placing the bowl on a table, Harry held me by both my arms. "Tom, Tom, listen to me. Chakotay guaranteed your safety."

I couldn't believe it. It didn't matter what I'd heard the Maquis say. Not Chakotay. Not the man who did nothing to stop his Maquis from beating and raping me. How could I believe his promises? I broke away from him. "This is going to hell, Harry! You shouldn't have rescued me."

As I headed toward the door, he stopped me and spun me around to face him. "Stop it! Stop it, Tom. I know what they did. But that was on Voyager. This is going to be different."

Angry with him, with everything, I shouted at him, "You don't know shit!"

Before I could start tearing the place apart, there was a knock on the door. Harry took a deep breath and called, "Come in."

To me, Harry said, "Take it easy, Tom, please."

I made no promises, just folded my arms across my chest and tried to stop the warp engine that was my heart. I was breathing heavily and shaking inside. I knew it was the Maquis.

I knew it. I was right. Chakotay came through the door, alone, and unarmed. He barely glanced at Harry, his eyes locked on me. He held his hands out to his side, palms open, a gesture of peace. "Paris. Kim."

Even though he spoke Harry's name, he kept his attention on me. I guess he thought I'd attack him again. But I had myself under control this time. Barely.

"We need to talk," Chakotay said quietly.

Harry gestured to the table where four chairs were placed. "Let's sit down. Tom?"

Through clenched teeth, I declined, "I'd rather stand."

Tensely, I stood with my back against the wall, facing the door as Harry and Chakotay took seats at the table. Deliberately, Chakotay reached under his vest, his hand moving slowly and his eyes on me. "It's just Kim's PADD."

I nodded tightly that I understood, all the while wondering when the rest of the Maquis were going to break through the door. Chakotay placed the PADD on the table. "Very interesting reading. Is it true?"

Harry nodded, "Every word."

"And what happened to Paris?"

"Also true."

What the hell was in that PADD? Had Harry known everything all along? What kind of idiot was I that I trusted him? I knew now that he was about to sell me out. Surprisingly, instead of the anger I would have expected at being betrayed, I felt hurt. I turned and pounded the wall as if the wall could absorb the sting of tears in my eyes.

Before I could break any bones, Harry's arms enfolded me. At this action, I whirled inside his embrace and lashed out at him, "What the fuck do you care? Let me break the hand, let me break every bone in my body! Isn't that what you want? Huh? My *pal*, right!"

"Tom. No." Although his voice was loud, it was also controlled, a big contrast to my own. "Read the PADD. Take a minute and -- Read. The. PADD."

"What?"

One of Harry's hands came up with the PADD. "Here. Do it."

I couldn't prevent the trembling in my hand as I took the PADD. Leaving Harry and Chakotay to their plotting, I went into the bedroom and sat on the bed to follow Harry's orders. At first, it was hard to concentrate on the words. But as I reread the first paragraph over and over, I realized that Tuvok hadn't deserted me and Harry hadn't turned on me. The big question was Chakotay. Where was he in all this?

***

Stunned by what I'd read, I dropped the PADD on the bed and rose to my feet. I stood in the doorway between the rooms. My hands gripped the door frame on either side of me as I swayed in the opening. With a mouth almost too dry to speak, I cleared my throat, and said, "Harry? Is this for real?"

Both dark-haired men turned to look at me. With a quiet assurance that made him seem years older than his true age, Harry said, "Yes. Tom. It's for real. We're going to take over Voyager."

###############

Part 5

"Are out of your fucking mind?" So, I wasn't too thrilled with the plan. "Harry, there is no way in the universe that I'm going back to Voyager. None. No way."

I spun back into the bedroom. If there'd been a door to slam, I would have rocked it off its hinges. Harry came toward me, "Tom, we have to do this."

"Enjoy yourselves, but count me out." In my peripheral vision, I noticed Chakotay standing up as if he meant to get between me and Harry. "Stay out of this! I don't trust you, you sick fuck!"

"I didn't know," Chakotay told me.

"Oh, sure! Tell me another one and I might even fly Voyager someday!"

"Tom," Harry tried to cajole me with his most placating voice.

"Why didn't you tell me, Harry? Huh? Didn't trust me?" All of the rage that I'd had to keep hidden started bubbling to the surface. I picked up the PADD that I'd left on the bed and threw it across the room. It hit the wall with a solid thud and shattered onto the floor.

"Paris . . ." Chakotay warned.

"Shut up! Just shut the fuck up! Who invited you in here, anyway!" I wasn't exactly feeling rational at this point. I hated him and I wanted to smash his solid-looking face into a million tiny, smoking pieces. In fact, my fists balled up as I got ready to let him have it. But Harry grabbed my arm.

"Tom! You need to hear what he has to say."

I just gave him a look of total disgust. Yeah. Sure. "There's nothing that fucker can say that I want to hear!"

"Yes, Tom, there is. Please." Harry was openly pleading with me. "I got you out of there, didn't I?"

Those quietly spoken words reminded me that I owed this guy, really owed him. Although it surprised me that Harry called me on it, I knew it was true. I'd give him this. "All right," I conceded, but my tone was sullen and I glared at Chakotay hoping my gaze would fry his eyeballs.

"Let's sit down," Harry suggested calmly.

I sat apart from them, rocking my chair back a bit, arms crossed firmly across my chest. Without saying a word, I basically told them 'Fuck you, show me'.

"What do you want to hear first?" Harry asked.

"I want to know what this . . . what he was doing . . . ."

As I started to strangle on my own words, Chakotay took a deep breath. His hands rested flat on the table top, brown knuckles looking a little tense. "Paris. When I read the PADD Kim gave me, that's the first I knew that you'd been assaulted by my people. I know, I know, you don't believe it. But let me tell what you happened."

I looked to Harry for guidance and he nodded. Grudgingly, I told Chakotay, "So, no one's stopping you."

When my hostile tone didn't faze him and my glare didn't make him spontaneously combust, he told his story. "Janeway and I had come to some understanding. As she pointed out, we had the same problem, each of us missing a crew member on the planet, each of us 75 years from home. Working together, I began to trust her. I even crashed my ship because I trusted her, trusted that Voyager would beam me aboard and not let me blow up with the ship. And, I was beamed up, just in time. Then, well, we all saw Tuvok return and Janeway didn't. The array . . . she must have managed to reactivate the self-destruct device. Anyway, it blew and took her with it.

"I didn't expect Cavit to imprison all the Maquis on the shuttle bay. Once we were there, someone told me that they heard you'd been sent to the brig. At the time, I thought that was probably the safest place for you. Then, several of Cavit's security people came to get me. I was brought to sick bay and some kind of implant was put in my neck against my will. It was a transponder that allowed Cavit to beam me around the ship at will."

That sounded familiar. I remembered finding the device in my own neck and involuntarily fingered the scar where I'd dug it out. Realizing what I was giving away, I folded my arms across my chest once more.

Chakotay picked up the thread of his story, even as he focused his eyes momentarily on my scar. To his credit, he didn't smirk knowingly at me, just nodded, a sad expression on his face. "I guess he did the same thing to you."

When I nodded, Chakotay picked up his story. "Then the security guard took me to the brig and I remained there for some time. I didn't see you, but you could have been in one of the cells I couldn't see. At some point, I was beamed back to the shuttle bay. It was night. There must have been a delivery of blankets. Everything was quiet, people were sleeping."

This wasn't what I expected to hear, not by a long shot. "And the next day?"

"Normal. Well, as normal as things can be when so many people are confined to a small space. We had food and jugs of water beamed in, portable toilets were likewise beamed in."

"And no one said anything about Tom Paris being there?"

"No, I'm sorry. No one."

"What about Torres?"

"What about her?"

"She stopped them! Didn't she tell you?"

"I didn't see her that morning. Dalby told me she'd had some aftereffects from the disease she'd contracted and was in sick bay."

Shit. "And?"

"There were four more times when I was beamed out of the shuttle bay. Sometimes, I ended up in the brig; once, I found myself in the captain's ready room. I was told we were being deported to Ocampa, that the deal had been struck and there was nothing I could do about it. I didn't see B'Elanna during all that time. Cavit told me she was still in sick bay but would be transported down to the planet to join the rest of us."

I had a very sick feeling that somehow B'Elanna Torres' memory had been tampered with. I wouldn't put it past the holodoctor or Cavit. "She never said anything about Dalby and his friends attacking me? About how she had to throw them off of me?"

"No. I did ask her about her time aboard Voyager and she said all she remembered was spending it in sick bay behind a force field. She said she hadn't been mistreated and was cured of the disease. That was all."

I tried to put it all together. "You weren't there, is that what you're saying?"

"Paris, I believe strongly in the Maquis cause. It is my cause. You know that. I would never allow my people to hurt or abuse . . . "

"How about rape?" I demanded angrily.

"I didn't know, Paris. No one told me. I guess they knew what I'd do to the people responsible." He looked me straight in my disbelieving baby blues. "And I will see that justice is done."

I just snorted. "Sure, Chakotay. Look, there's no evidence. It's my word against your men. There's a lot more of them than there are of me. And you probably have a pretty low opinion of my word."

"I have Tuvok's report in the PADD. It doesn't provide the details, but it tells me you were raped by my people." His eyes flashed in anger. "And I will deal with it. I gather Dalby was the ringleader?"

I nodded. "Why would you believe Tuvok? He lied to you."

"He omitted telling me that he worked for the Federation. And, yeah, that's pissed me off since I found it out. Other than that one area, he was completely trustworthy. I don't believe he would lie to me about this. Dalby's veracity is another story."

'Dalby led the festivities."

"Who else?"

"I don't know their names, but a lot of Maquis watched or heard. And did nothing."

Chakotay's sorrow slipped through the impassive mask he tried to wear. "I am sorry. None of that should have happened."

"Somehow, I think Cavit set it all up," Harry spoke for the first time since we'd begun this conversational confessional.

"It doesn't matter. Dalby's responsible for what he did," Chakotay explained.

Harry looked at me pointedly, "What about it, Tom?"

My arms were still folded across my chest, after all, I been conned by the best. I gave Chakotay a wise-ass smirk. "What are you going to do? Slap his wrists?"

"No. There'll be a courts martial for all of them."

"You're not in Starfleet, Chakotay."

"Paris, I don't expect you to suddenly give up the hatred you've been nurturing. All I can say is, watch what I do."

I knew I would watch his actions very carefully.

Harry jumped in again, "We've got to get this settled so Tom can get on with his life."

"Right, Harry, it's been nice, but I know you've got a mutiny to engineer."

"Oh, shut up, Tom," Harry told me with a smile in his voice.

"I will be on it as soon as I leave these quarters," Chakotay promised us. "In the meantime, I gather you two have a lot to discuss."

With those words, Chakotay rose and left. The silence hung awkwardly in the wake of the big Maquis' departure. Harry cleared his throat, "Uh, Tom?"

At that moment, he looked and sounded like the kid on DS-9. All right, he was no longer a kid. And I'd ceased being a kid when I was 22 and caused three deaths on Caldik Prime. Funny, it seemed as if the conversation with Chakotay had reawakened a lot of old shit, not the least of which was the mayhem in Voyager's shuttle bay. "I'm tired, Harry."

"I couldn't tell you. Tuvok wanted you to be safe. In fact, he wasn't sure I should tell you at all. He thought it'd be better for you to become a part of Ocampan society and to put the Federation and Maquis behind you."

"What? He figured they'd keep me safe from Dalby and his crew?"

"No. Tuvok figured that Chakotay would keep you safe from them. Ocampans do a good job of healing. I know, remember?"

"Okay, so Tuvok, the almighty, decided I should be kept in the dark, tucked away on this underworld society, while you and Chakotay and his hand-picked people went back with you to take over Voyager. Is that it?"

"You know it's more complicated than that. We have to find allies, ones we can trust."

"Oh, I'm sure the Kazon will be delighted to assist."

"Ones we can trust, Tom," he repeated. "Tuvok thought the Talaxian might help us, might know some others . . . . "

His words dropped off as he caught my disbelief. "Harry, the Talaxian manipulated us. All he wanted was to be reunited with his girl friend."

"But he knows the Delta Quadrant, he's been around. He knows who's trustworthy and who isn't."

"Jeez, some mutiny."

My sarcasm seemed to get under his skin, as it was meant to. "Tom. This is a good plan. You'll see, if you give it a chance."

"What? You asking me to participate?"

Harry's face was wide open, no deception, no guile. "Yeah."

"You're crazy, Harry."

With a smile, that if I didn't know him better, I'd think was sly, he asked, "Don't you want to see Cavit in the brig? And the holodoctor reprogrammed?"

"You're getting warm, Harry. Throw in Stralley as Cavit's cell mate and you may just hook me into this . . . whatever the hell you call it."

"Mutiny."

"Shit. Mutiny." I ran a hand through my hair, "I must be crazy. Harry, I'm the poster boy for Maquis and Federation brutality and you want me to be a part of a joint Maquis-Federation take-over of Voyager? No, it isn't me who's crazy. It's you."

He shrugged. "I guess I am." His look became intense, "Tom, I joined *Starfleet*. I wore that uniform proudly. The oath I took as an officer meant something to me. Cavit . . . Cavit betrayed everything I believed in, everything Starfleet stood for. So, yeah, I am a little crazy."

"And you trust Tuvok?"

"Tuvok is the only reason you're still alive, Tom."

Point well taken.

Before we could determine who was crazier, there was pounding on the door. When Harry went to let the person in, Dalby stormed inside, a phaser in his hand, fury in his body. "Where's that good-for-nothing fuck, Paris?"

Uh-oh. Dalby. For a moment I was totally paralyzed. But before I could react, Chakotay tackled him from behind and the phaser went flying. With a mental kick to my frozen butt, I darted for the phaser while Chakotay and Dalby wrestled on the floor. I held the phaser with both shaking hands and pointed it at the two men. As nearly as I could tell, it wouldn't matter which one I hit.

Chakotay saw the phaser first and stopped short of punching out Dalby. Then Dalby followed the track of Chakotay's eyes and saw the phaser, too. So did Harry.

Apart from a lot of heavy breathing, my own included, no one spoke. I broke the ice, my anger steadying my hands. "Chakotay, move away from him."

The phaser was old, but standard. I thumbed the setting to vaporize. All of them saw me change it.

Desperately, Harry urged, "Don't do it, Tom."

I just pointed the phaser a little more on target. Right at Dalby's crotch. "I'm going to shoot 'em off of you, you scum-sucking, fucking, son-of-a-bitch." I swore at him in Klingon and French as well as Federation Standard. It was as if a red curtain, like a heated column of unreasoning rage, had dropped all around me.

Seemingly in slow motion, a red-hazed Harry moved toward the two men on the floor. "Stop it!" I screamed at him.

But Harry kept going, one slow step at a time, until he was between me and Dalby.

"No! Harry! No!"

"I can't let you do this, Tom. Dalby will go on trial. He will! Listen to me!"

I'd been trying to move around Harry but he kept himself between me and them by moving with me. As both Dalby and I focused on Harry, Chakotay hauled off and punched Dalby's lights out. The man fell back and lay motionless on the ground.

By this time, a lot of Ocampans occupied the corridors. Bren peered inside. When he saw me with my phaser pointed at Dalby, he stepped into the doorway. I don't know what he did, it was a little like Tuvok's mind link. I felt a nudge in my head and my hands dropped, the phaser falling from numbed fingers.

Harry scooped up the phaser and tucked it in the waistband of his pants. Even though I knew I wanted to attack Dalby with my bare hands if I couldn't phaser him out of existence, I just stood numbly in place. I think Bren must have exerted some kind of control over my mind.

Scrambling to his feet, Chakotay asked Bren, "Do you have a jail? A place where you confine criminals?"

Bren looked puzzled, nonetheless, he nodded. At his movement, I felt my mind being gently released.

Although Chakotay had hit Dalby, I thought he wanted me to go to the Ocampan's jail. Bren seemed to understand things differently. At Bren's motion, several Ocampans took Dalby and dragged him under his arms from our quarters.

Harry gave Bren the phaser, butt first. "We won't be needing this."

Accepting the phaser silently, Bren started to leave. But before he exited, Bren turned back around, his gaze taking in all of us. "We will be able to help Paris if he wishes our help."

With that enigmatic statement he was gone. Both Harry and Chakotay looked at me and I worried that I'd suddenly changed into a Bolian or something. "What?"

Harry could barely conceal the anger, "Tom, there's laws to take care of scum like Dalby."

"Thank you for the news, Attorney Kim." Another designation to add to the 'doctor' title I'd given him earlier.

"Boys," Chakotay's grim admonishment had us both turning to him. The Maquis captain didn't seem angry, more like resigned. He rubbed the hand that hit Dalby and I guessed that he'd hurt his knuckles. "Tom, we will deal with Dalby and all of those who hurt you. You have my word."

Somehow, the way he said that, the piercing look he gave me, all spoke of his determination to carry through on his words. In return, I vowed, "I will be watching what you do."

"Fair enough." Chakotay focused on Harry. "We need to talk to some people to locate allies. I believe Neelix will be able to help us in that regard and I've sent word for him."

The adrenalin rush from the altercation with Dalby left me as rapidly as the Kazon going after water. I felt the floor falter under my feet and I reached out blindly for the chair. Once my hand found it, I sat heavily. Harry and Chakotay's words went by because I was concentrating too hard on staying upright. It felt as if darkness was forcing itself onto my visual field and enfolding wavering surroundings on a black, blank velvet surface.

Next thing I knew I was stretched out on the bed, Harry hovering over me wiping my forehead with a cool, damp cloth. "Tom?"

"What happened?" Then I remembered. Dalby. Chakotay. The past. And my head hurt.

"You passed out, hit your head on the table."

"Great." As I started to sit up, Harry's hand on my chest pushed me back down.

"Not yet. The doctor's on her way."

"I'm all right now."

"Just listen to him, Paris, and let the doctor check you out."

It was Chakotay, obviously still here. He stood in the bedroom doorway for a moment before he turned around and left for the living area.

I thought it might be nice to go to sleep for awhile. Once they had Cavit in the brig they could wake me up. Until then . . . .

"Tom, wake up," Harry called to me and it took me a moment to focus on him. He seemed a little blurry.

Someone stood next to him, a small Ocampan woman clothed in the flowing robes I had seen more than once on the inhabitants. Must be the latest fashion. Her image blurred, split into two, coalesced back into one person. I blinked a few times. Something was wrong with my eyes.

"I am Tres and I would like to help you."

"Okay," I agreed slowly.

"It would help me if I could use my mind to touch your mind."

I remembered Tuvok asking permission to do that very thing to me all those months ago. It hadn't hurt, in fact, his mind link had helped a lot. Maybe her touch would be like that. I didn't know. "Uh -- what will you do?"

"Read the problem or problems, and if there are any, I'll send healing energy in to fix those problems."

"I'm . . . ." I tried to marshal my thoughts but they acted as if they didn't want to proceed in a coherent order. Finally, I was able to latch onto one. "I think I'm an alien here."

I could see Harry smile. For some reason, he had my hand in his own. He gave it a gentle squeeze.

Tres also smiled, kilometers of white teeth flashing my way, or maybe there weren't that many and my eyes just hadn't converged correctly. "I have seen a number of aliens such as yourself lately. Apparently, your people were left here on our world without a physician."

"Not my people," I protested. Her smile was kindly as she waited for my response. "Yes. Do what you can."

She had me focus on a crystal she wore around her neck. I felt her mind touch my own.

Suddenly a bright light flashed, so bright I closed my eyes against the pain of it. When I opened them again, I saw Tres stagger backwards, the crystal shattered. Her expression was one of shock. She screamed, "No!"

###############

Part 6

I don't know how long I was out. But the room seemed crowded with Ocampans. Two Ocampans I hadn't seen before flanked my bed. Bren and several others hovered around Tres, slumped before them in a chair.

As if he was a symbol of relief from being alone in an alien world, Harry sat beside me on the bed. Surprisingly, Chakotay stood behind him, a neutral expression on his face.

Whatever had happened, my blurred vision had cleared. But in its place was an almost hyperclarity, colors too bright, images too sharp. A few groans later, Harry placed his arm behind my back and helped me to sit up. "What happened?"

Chakotay had a question of his own, "What do you remember?"

"The crystal exploded?" After puzzling through the last few images before I passed out, that was the best I could come up with. "Is she . . . is Tres all right?"

"Tres is recovering," said one of the Ocampans beside my bed. She gave me a smile just shy of reassuring. "I'm Jena. How are you feeling now?"

"Everything's real bright." In fact, my eyes squinted at the brightness of the room and its occupants. "Kind of hurts."

"Your head?"

"No. My eyes."

"We will consult with our colleagues and return soon."

Her voice was low and soothing and I appreciated its quietness. She and her companion joined Bren and Tres out of earshot.

Harry's hand turned my head toward his face. "Tom?"

"Hey."

Behind Harry, Chakotay shifted as if he was uncomfortable. I wondered why he was still around. When Harry saw my eyes dart upwards he looked around and saw Chakotay. I couldn't tell what unspoken thoughts were exchanged between them. But the Maquis captain turned away and left the room.

"You going to be all right?" Harry asked.

Trying to hide the confusion that washed through me at all this concern, I just snorted. "Sure."

Spoiling the effect of indestructibility that I was trying to create, I yawned. Shit, I was tired. Harry's arm behind my back slowly let me down. As my head sank into the soft pillow, I closed my eyes.

Some time later I awoke to find myself still surrounded by Ocampans. And Harry. Unnerving me a little were the serious expressions on everyone's faces. "What? What's wrong?"

Tres smiled. "You will be all right, now. May I?"

I wasn't sure what she was asking permission for. "Huh?"

"Ah. Will you let me hold my hand over you?"

"Because . . . . ?"

"I would like to repair any damage the crystal did." She had very blue eyes that reflected a deep reservoir of care. Locked into her gaze, she regarded me with total stillness.

"Okay."

Only then did she move. She linked a hand with the Ocampan nearest her as they each joined hands around the bed. Puzzled, I noticed that Chakotay and Harry formed the last links. But before I could ask about them, her hand came forward and held a place just above my forehead.

For a long moment, nothing happened. Then I felt a gentle incursion into my mind, a slight shifting around, as if strands of spaghetti had been separated from each other on a plate.

When she removed her hand, she smiled at me again. The hyperclarity was gone, replaced by normal colors and brightness. I felt a lot better and sat up on my own. "Thanks."

Harry and Chakotay exchanged glances.

"What is it, guys?"

Harry answered. "They should do more of this, you know, this healing."

"Why?"

Tres seemed upset. "Tom. You have experienced many difficult and painful abuses at the hands of others. These are creating what we call 'disharmony' in your mind."

"So?"

"It is a serious disturbance. Don't you feel it?"

"Look, I appreciate your concern, but I'm fine." At her sad expression, I tried to soften my tone. "I'm sorry I broke your crystal and I hope you're all right."

"I am well and I appreciate your kind words. But, Tom, you . . . . "

I interrupted before she could go broadcasting my mental state to the whole room. "And I'm fine. Thank you."

That smile warmed her face once more. "Very well." She pressed a small object into my hand and added, "This device will allow you to call me if you change your mind."

It was a small, stone-like object. "How?"

"Just think my name while you hold the stone."

She and the other Ocampans departed and left me alone with Harry and Chakotay. "What happened here?"

Harry explained, "The Ocampans are telepathic. They can use their mental abilities to heal injuries and . . . well, I don't know what all else."

"I guess I embarrassed myself, breaking her crystal and all that."

"She said it's not important. The crystal was for you, so you could focus your mind while she tried to heal your head injury."

"I guess she succeeded." I looked from one to the other. "So. What now?"

"I'm going to put together a case against Dalby and whoever else was involved in the beatings and rapes." Chakotay sounded very determined.

"What does it mean? Put together a case?"

"I'm going to take statements from witnesses, yourself included. And then I'm going to arrange a trial."

Quietly, I asked, "Will the trial be open?"

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Harry blanch. I guess he hadn't thought about what a trial would mean. Chakotay took a deep breath and nodded. "The rest of the Maquis have to know that the behavior of Dalby and his pals won't be tolerated."

"And I'll have to testify?"

"Yes. And we'll have Tuvok's statement entered into evidence."

"So. Everyone will know what happened to me."

"Everyone will know what happens to those scum who hurt you."

I shook my head. I knew I couldn't relive those events on the shuttlebay by talking about it in front of others. "I can't."

"Tuvok's statement is not enough. Paris, your cooperation . . . . "

"I said, no."

"Then what do you want me to do about Dalby? Let him go?"

I threw myself down on the bed and turned away from them. Harry's hand fell on my shoulder as if to comfort me, but I shrugged it away. "Leave me alone."

As I pulled the pillow over my head, I heard Chakotay and Harry leave the room. Doors swished shut and the room became quiet.

In the stillness, I could feel my link with Tuvok as a kind of warm, but silent spot in my mind. I didn't dwell on the nature of the connection with Tuvok, instead, exhaustion overwhelmed me.

***

I was the first witness at the courts martial of the Maquis Six.

Chakotay had arrested six of his Maquis, including Dalby. With the help of the Ocampans, he set up a trial room and closed it to all but a few. Knowing the trial would be closed helped some. I still hated the idea of being exposed to the few Maquis who didn't already know what happened. But I hated more the idea that the ones who raped me would go free.

Harry was allowed to sit next to me throughout the entire ordeal. Bren and two other Ocampans who I came to know well, Arana and Wis, served as judges after Chakotay explained the nature of a court martial.

Dalby decided to defend himself and the others. Over my protests, Chakotay let him. I argued that Dalby would be free to put me on trial. Both Chakotay and I knew I wouldn't stand much scrutiny. After Bren assured me that only relevant questions would be allowed, I grudgingly gave up my protests. Nonetheless, the thought of having to actually face that bastard made me shudder.

As the first witness, Chakotay led me through the events that I didn't want to describe. Despite an unexpected gentleness on Chakotay's part, sometimes I just lost it. Here were a dozen people listening to my degradation and humiliation. Six rapes, my body turned inside out, my helplessness, all of this I described to Chakotay and the judges. The Maquis captain's quiet questions made sure I identified who did what and when, as best I could remember.

I felt as if I was in a nightmare and there was no way to wake up. It upset me to realize that I was crying in front of everyone. At one point, I found Harry beside me handing me a glass of water and patting my shoulder. I don't know what miracle kept him by my side, but he was a lifeline to a reality that didn't include routine abuse.

After the first day's testimony, I knew